Dear Future Boyfriend,

notestomyfutureboyfriend:

Sometimes, I cry when I get overwhelmed, or watch tv shows, or get mad at people in authority. I can’t fall asleep unless I’m lying on my side, listening to music; or, sometimes, I can fall asleep on my back, but only if my arms are crossed above my head. I hate being a vegetarian but I hate the idea of eating animals even more. I get jealous easily. I’m needy, very needy, and I try my hardest to hide it - but sometimes, I think it comes across as being cold hearted. I over analyze, over think, and over prepare; I check, double check, and triple check things, because I have an overwhelming fear of being wrong. I hate being in the spotlight, just like I hate interacting with people.

I am constantly battling against myself, talking myself up and then breaking myself down. And sometimes, I break myself down so much that I forget what happiness feels like. I forget that you are a source of happiness for me, and I talk myself into a corner, convincing myself that you don’t have feelings for me anymore. I convince myself that you’ve quietly let me go, like I never even mattered. And then, sometimes, I remember what you said to me the night we first kissed, and all of the things we’ve said and done since then, and I remember that even if you have quietly let me go, you will always be one of my best friends.

I’m broken. But I’m not asking you to fix me. I just need you to be here for me, whenever I’m ready to finally let you wander this far into my thoughts.

Love,

Me